The dreams Of Thy Youth

These are the questions I asked myself one afternoon as I went back to my past. Having finished my to-do list a little earlier than planned one weekday, I was on my way home when I thought about taking some time out to smell the roses and enjoy the outdoors.

A nostalgic afternoon
I decided to stop by the famous Goma lakes at the University of Zambia as it was on my way home. I parked by the students’ centre and leisurely walked around the beautiful grounds of the lakes, taking pictures every now and then. I could see a number of students seated by the lakes, some in groups and obviously “gun-pointing” for some test as they were busy asking each other questions.

Others were simply enjoying the serene atmosphere in their lover’s arms. I remembered the times I used to go to the lakes myself. It was usually for one of two reasons: to contemplate my next step after flunking yet another physics or math test, with throwing myself in the lake always seeming like a viable option; or to daydream about and plan how I was going to charm the love of my life into letting me be her man.

As I was walking and observing all those people I started thinking about them and what they were going through. I thought how much they must want to succeed and how much hope they have for their future. The hope of a brighter tomorrow and success must be spurring them on day by day.

Having walked all the way around the lakes, I thought it would be a good idea to complete the day by visiting the room I had spent two years in before moving to the medical campus.

I went to the student hostels where I used to lodge, commonly called “the ruins” by the student populace due to their age and rather unattractive concrete look. Arriving there, I was immediately drawn back in time. The hustle and bustle outside, the smells, the music playing and the vendors selling vegetables all took me back in an instant.

I felt like I had never left. As I walked the dark corridors to my former room I felt like a student again. I imagined the relief of getting to my room after a heavy afternoon lecture and lying down on the creaky bed and later cooking some supper.

UNZA campus life is tough at times, but I thought how I and many others have gone through it. What kept us going through all those long days? It was our dreams. It was the thought that after this bit of “hardship” and hard work things would get easier and better. It was the imagined perfect life we would have afterwards.

Is this the life you dreamed of?
As I went further an uneasy feeling came over me. My vivid memories of those days and my current reality became confused in my mind. I thought to myself “what if I met myself as I was then? What if I suddenly bumped into myself in the corridor? What would the younger me think of me now?

It reminded me of the movie “The Kid” in which a 40 year old man meets himself when he was 8 years old. The 8 year old is highly disappointed because, although the 40 year old version of him is successful financially and career wise, he is a stuck up and lonely man with no family and no social life to talk of. After a while of trying to figure things out the 8 year old despairs and says: “I’m 40, I’m not married, I don’t fly jets and I don’t have a dog!?” Then with an air of frustration and disappointment he concludes: “I grow up to be a loser!” You see, at 8 that was how he had pictured himself at 40.

So that is the question I want to ask you. If the younger you met you as you are now, what would your conversation be like? Imagine those first few moments as you both analsyed each other from head to toe.

Would the younger, naïve, innocent, hopeful you be proud of what you have made of yourself? Would they approvingly walk around you nodding their head and saying “men, we have done very well for ourselves!” Would they hug you tight and say “keep it up, I am proud of you.”

Or would they look at you and think to themselves “is this what I am working so hard to become? Is all this effort and energy and struggle just so I can become the pitiful sight you are today? What happened to all our hopes and dreams?” Would they cry in utter despair and disbelief at the mess you have made of yourself or at the mediocrity you had become so comfortable with?

The dreams of thy youth
In those years when we are still young there lies in most of us a deep-seated and justified hope for a brighter future. But pretty soon the world out there chokes our dreams. As we venture into the forest of life we get caught up in making a living and surviving rather than truly living and achieving.

The more we get into it the harder it becomes to get out of it. Before long, the daily pressures and urgencies of life crowd out the bright rays of hope and our dreams. Until, finally, we are so lost in it that we fail to see the forest for the trees, as the saying goes. We lose sight of where it was we were trying to go in the first place.

So if the younger you would be proud of who you are today, then you are doing well and need to congratulate yourself. Celebrate your success. Enjoy the fruits of your labour and assure them that there are bigger and better things to come.

It is never too late to make a change
If not, do not despair. You can still make them proud. You can still redeem yourself. The realization that you are not where you had intended to go is an opportunity to turn around and change things.

Go back. Get out of the forest. See the bright rays of hope and your dreams again. You can tell that young person that you will make it up to them. You will do everything you can to correct the mistakes you have made and to rekindle that fire that you once had. It is not too late.

Go back to your youth. Revisit your past. If not physically then at least mentally. Not for the purpose of regretting or focusing on past mistakes, but for the purpose of rediscovering your spirit. For the purpose of claiming back your dreams and your life. Johann Friedrich von Schiller advised that you “Keep true to the dreams of thy youth.”